Well, Christian, you’ve gotten this far after reading the provocative title!
Are you stewing in the least with frustration? Anger? Maybe some conviction? Or, hopefully, open and honest humble curiosity? Perhaps even agreement?
Do some of you want to set me straight that your husband needs to submit to you every bit as much as you to him? You’ll have to get at the end of the long line of western Christian feminists who are hoping to do the same with me!
Before you do that, however, please do us, and your Lord Jesus Christ, a favor… a grace. Carefully read and muse on this list below of just a few things you and other Christian wives would need to submit if requested-required-demanded by a husband.
- Join him with the kids watching sports games four nights a week.
- Putting the kids in public school vs. homeschool.
- Demanding no church on Sunday, or only going to home church vs. institutional church.
- Spending money on needless or worthless items while family needs go lacking.
- Having sex most every night of the week, including oral sex.
- Requiring no nagging, fussing, contention, or suggestions from you…ever.
- Feel free to add your top three things here: 1) ______, 2) _______, 3) _______.
Of course, this is a repulsive list to most Christian woman in the west. You might say a Christian husband would never ask-require-demand these of a Christian wife.
What if I told you this husband in view was not saved…but a rank pagan? Or, the Christian husband wanted these too?
What then, Christian wife? Will you obey Christ, your Lord and Master?
We certainly acknowledge the high value of women in the Kingdom, and equality with men in this area. There is no Jew (Judean) or Greek. But as Christ was always subject to the Father, so is the wife to the husband in everything. Just like Jesus Christ. As you serve Him.
The roles are vastly different. And you, dear woman and wife, are 400% more influential in the marriage than the husband in our opinion. As the wife goes, so goes the marriage in 99% of the cases. Men can be won by their wife in 99% of the cases. Certainly this percentage is no lower than 95%, with only 5% unreachable and unrepentant.
The 1% unrepentant abusers do not give a wife the right to disrespect, contend, and sass her husband…ever.
Let’s take a look at the Word of God. By the way, the Holy Spirit addresses the wife first in every case when dealing with husbands and wives (Ephesians 5.22, Colossians 3.18, Titus 2.5, 1 Peter 3.1).
Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, be subject (this was added into the translation to clarify: hupotasso: to place or rank under) to your own husbands, as (you would do) to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Colossians 3:18 Wives, be subject (hupotasso: to place or rank under) to your husbands, as is fitting (proper) in the Lord.
Titus 2:3-5 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject (hupotasso: to place or rank under) to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored (blasphemed).
1 Peter 3:1-6 In the same way, you wives, be submissive (hupotasso: to place or rank under) to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive (hupotasso: to place or rank under) to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed (was under and heeding) Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.
Everything God creates and commands is good and holy. There is an order and power to all He does.
What do we see here in these powerful passages?
1) To be subject to your husband is to place yourself under your husband in everything requested-required-demanded. Parse the command any way you want, dear one, to avoid this unpleasant reality to a western feminist mindset. But there is no other Biblical way to view this.
2) Your husband is your head. Period. Whatever you may argue, the wife is under the head, as Jesus is under the Father, and the church is under Christ.
3) As his wife and the slave of Christ, you are to be under your husband in everything. Let that really, really sink in. Everything. We will deal with the scant exceptions that are illegal, immoral, and abusive in a moment.
4) Your total submission to your husband is proper in your Lord Christ.
5) You blaspheme, or rebelliously profane and pollute, the sacredness and holiness of Almighty God Himself to others while causing them to stumble when you disobey this command to be subject to your husband in everything.
6) You win your sinning husband to holiness in Christ, especially the unsaved one, without a word. Not one word, Christian wife. Not one.
7) Your chaste (holiness that is free from sin) and respectable (phobos: fearful flight from the displeasure of God) behavior wins your husband to God’s ways.
8) God commands you, dear wife, in winning your husband 100% of the time (always, 24-7) to display a gentle (kind, tender, not harsh) and quiet (still, content, no hassle) spiritual countenance which is precious (very costly) to your Lord and Savior.
9) The wifely saints of old like Sarah obeyed (listened and complied, attended to, submitted and was subject to) Abraham, the father of us all, and thus “became” Sarah’s children, meaning stayed in the faith of salvation of God.
We have an acrostic to remember the doctrine of any wife winning her husband without a word. It also works pragmatically for pagan wives as well Christian ones too. God’s gravity works for everyone. Here goes:
WOWW JAN CHAP (say “Wow Jan Chap”): WOWW (Win Without a Word With) JAN (Joy And Not) CHAP (Causing Husband’s Abusive Pain) or “Win Without a Word With Joy And Not Causing Husband’s Abusive Pain.”
Now, if you are chafing at all this by this time, then beg and beseech God to deliver you from the spirit of rebellion that permeates this age often in the form of New World Order hyper-feminism.
We need go no further than Samuel’s rebuke of King Saul for his partial obedience.
1 Samuel 15:23 “For rebellion (violent, open resistance to authority, control, or convention) is as the sin of divination (the practice of witchcraft with the devil), and insubordination (pushing, pressing, fighting against being subordinate, under) is as iniquity (evil, wickedness) and idolatry (worship of anything ungodly)…”
A powerful way to illustrate the sobriety and seriousness of this doctrine is to play it backwards. Here’s what is sounds like using this method.
Husbands, be subject to your own wives, as (you would not do) to the Lord. For the wife is the head of the husband, as Christ also is not the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is not subject to Christ, so also the husbands ought to be (submissive and subject) to their wives in everything.
Husbands, be subject to your wives, as is not fitting (proper) in the Lord.
Older men…likewise are to be…subject to their own wives, so that the word of God will be dishonored (blasphemed).
In the same way, you husbands, be submissive to your own wives so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may not be won without a word by the behavior of you, their wives, as they will not observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
Your adornment must be mainly external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; never let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves with a gentle and quiet spirit and were not like you today, you who are never being submissive to your own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed (was under and heeding) Abraham, calling him lord, and you have not become her children if you do what is wrong and being frightened by any fear.
Chilling words, don’t you think? Yes, indeed.
How About Those Things Illegal, Immoral, And Abusive?
We promised you that we would speak to the exceptions in the “wives being subject to their husbands in everything.” It is a very short, but important, list.
Illegal: breaking the law in any way, unless God forbids obeying a civil command against His doctrines for life.
Immoral: illicit and unnatural sex, i.e. adulterous, group and anal sex, including viewing pornography, and dressing provocatively in public.
Abusive: consistent, persistent, and unrepentant physical, emotional, sexual, or financial depreciation, degradation, and excessive control of the spouse.
This abuse needs a more complete and special consideration here.
Relationship abuse runs the gamut from hidden domestic verbal sniping to open public murder. It is the sporadic or consistent disrespectful and dishonorable denigration and depreciation of a human being made in God’s image. The abuser-perpetrator can use both deliberate actions and the inaction of neglect and abandonment. All abuse proceeds from a heart deceived by self and/or the demonic.
The practice reveals a conscious or subconscious need for power or fear based control over the victim whereby through the overt or passive-aggressive behavior of intimidation, manipulation, retaliation, and isolation the victim is kept off-balance, confused, disorientated, and defeated.
The results can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social, and physical, although all these elements need not be present for abuse to be a present reality to the victim and their family. Emotional abuse has been proven to be even worse than physical abuse since it can actually kill the victim more slowly without any immediate outward physical signs.
Abuse originating from a female against a male is every bit as prevalent, and perhaps more so, as it is from a male against a female. The female perpetrator is most often never exposed let alone brought to account due to the ongoing embarrassment and resulting shame of the male victim, plus erroneous public perceptions that almost all abuse originates from a male.
Almost any attempt to confront the abuser to bring them to account is normally spurned and dismissed, while the messenger too is abused. Therefore, they are arrogant irreconcilable stonewallers. In the majority of cases, the perpetrator rallies support from people in their sphere whether family, social, church, etc., both unaware or in direct collusion, and this larger alliance further victimizes the victim.
The abuser rarely changes, if ever. All abuse in sin in the kingdom of God, but not all sin is abuse.
In these cases, there very well may be the need for a separation from the husband or wife so the victim can seek peace and restoration.
We strongly caution the victim to avoid professional counseling in almost all cases.
Did you just say “avoid,” Marc?
In the dozens and dozens of cases we’ve seen, including my own life, this is what we find.
The counselor goes to the husband first instead of the wife, as the Scripture clearly shows. It’s the beginning of a poor Biblical interpretation or hermeneutic. They say the husband just needs to “love the wife as Christ does the church, and give himself up for her.” On the face on it, this is true.
Trouble is, God is divorced. Yes, you heard right. And He is the perfect husband, no? And due to the unfaithfulness of His wife, i.e. abuse, disrespect, and dishonor, He gave Israel, the apple of His eye, a certificate of divorce and sent her away as a religious nation. See the Word of God here.
Jeremiah 3:8 “And I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away (divorced her) and given her a writ of divorce…”
Some say God was still her husband when many current translations a bit later in the same chapter erroneously use the English word husband vs. the correct word in the NASB called master.
The good news is the Lord is remarried to the Israel of God! And His new bride includes all the obedient and faithful enduring saints both Jew (Judean) and Gentile. Hallelujah!
Therefore, in and of itself, just “loving” a wife more, i.e. putting up with her repeated abusive disrespect and lack of submissiveness, and in actuality submitting to her whims, will not help crack a crusty, unholy heart. But that is the exact advice almost all counselors give the husband. It may help, but most often it does not.
Remember, the wife is 400% more influential and is the main rudder of the ship that steers the ship clear of the storms and hidden reefs in the really fruitful marriage.
Moreover, the counselors try desperately to say the fault and trouble is 50-50 evenly split between the husband and the wife. Is that true?
In ancient times in Israel, the Godly religious leaders often used the dowry, i.e. marriage money, to penalize the offending party, either the wife or husband, to bring them into submission with the church discipline. So, finding the main fault, the real perpetrator, is vital.
Remember the fact that 99% of all married men can be won without a word? Our acrostic WWOW JAN CHAP?
So then, the main perpetrator in the majority of the cases is the wife. And that, beloved, is exactly the reason God the Father wrote the Bible to address the wives first.
But, you might say, this person who you claim, Marc, to be a perpetrator does so many good things for the kingdom of God. What’s the big deal?
Just ignore it, then?
Obedience is our only living proof that we love God enough to deny ourselves and follow the King of kings. Overshadowing sin that crowds out the other good deeds is a sneaky way of covering up the main weakness that thwarts God’s purposes.
Then where does one go for real help in a troubled marriage?
Counselors are not the answer, but a long shot. The kingdom thrived thousands of years without formal marriage counseling. Even if it was accurate and wholly Biblical, God has pronounced a way to heal the union of a troubled husband and wife.
Humble, intense prayer by both parties…day after day. Pray together – if at all possible. Ask honestly of the Holy Spirit who is mainly at fault. Follow the Word, the Scriptures we’ve listed here. Repent, and listen to the voice of God. And very wise saints, not the herd of majority opinions. Seek why the wife is always addressed first. Obey the Lord – and stop all the stonewalling. Stop it…now. Forevermore.
And use the other multitude of Christian resources in written form in book and blog. There are dozens and dozens of healed marriages when the offending party, the perpetrator, sees their sin in the eyes of God. And acts boldly to change, and make amends.
See our links to the excellent Christian blogs written by women for women, often showcasing how the Lord Jesus restored the failed marriages of the authors themselves. Read Laura Doyle’s revealing book on why you should not out yourself under the auspice of any marriage counselor, and why the wife is the key to the harmony in almost all cases.
Is the husband or wife continuously abusive emotionally, sexually, financially, and/or physically even after separation? With a broken heart but with the favor and grace of our merciful Lord, we very well may be permitted a divorce like God did with Israel. And perhaps even a remarriage. The best teaching on the planet on this is brother David Instone-Brewer, and you may view it here.
Be careful, dear saint, for abuse is rampant and most often covered up the God’s “church.” It’s a terrible and heinous sin. Don’t believe me? Read Jeff Crippen’s expose on this here.
Saints, it is vital to remember that the Ancient of Days is more interested in our holiness in His gracious love that the difficult and terrible circumstances He may allow or put us through. Enduring many tribulations is the key to the final entry in the kingdom of God. God stuns us in many cases out of any spiritual lethargy.
He is also dead serious about rousting out the unholy leaven from His church body. He deals with church sin in various ways, sometimes by killing the perpetrator.
So, to put a bow on this piece here, we recap what a Christian wife is to do with being subject and submitting to her husband in everything like the church should do with Jesus Christ.
In everything…except the few that are illegal, immoral, and abusive already listed.
Are you a Christian in name only? The most important job you have, dear wife, is to please and serve your husband…Christian or not.
Well…what are you waiting for?
WWOW JAN CHAP.
Discover all our posts about real and true Biblical submission here.
Discover how the war between men and women came about here.
The best stories on failed and rescued marriages in Debi Pearl’s book are here.
Henry Makow is an expert on how our enemy has used hyper feminism to kill the family, and how to return to the femininity that God created.
Please comment on this post right below. Feel free to write and proclaim your leadings in the Spirit in an honorable fashion.
Your friend and brother in fighting the good fight,
Saints, we’re one day closer to Home, and Him! Love Him wholeheartedly!
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Please comment on this post right below. Feel free to write and proclaim your leadings in the Spirit in an honorable fashion.
Marc White, Director, Walk Worthy Ministries, www.WalkWorthy.org