Have you too noticed how prevalent the untrue, crass, and depreciating put downs rear their ugly heads in Christian circles? Have you too noticed that these put downs are dressed up to demonically masquerade as “humor?”
The good news is this: who needs to pursue, promote, and participate in such wood, haw, or straw when the things children say are so naturally and innocently humorous?! Although the New Testament has no written record of anything we might consider humorous, oh I just imagine how Jesus must have smiled and laughed at the children’s funny comments in trying to understand His kingdom.
Of course, some of you know our walk in the simple home church vs. the institutional man-made model from which we escaped. The stories included here in no way lend our support to that top-down, hierarchical meeting style that fails to allow us to obey 1 Corinthians 14.26. But most saints we know still continue to meet that way, and God will use it as He can.
Here’s some of the stories we’ve captured over the years.Make sure you read to the very end…where my all time favorite is listed about the young boy’s letter on how he spent his vacation.
Please take the time to send me the ones you know. Every grace today…
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?”
“I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied.
“Just say what you hear Mommy say,” the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, “Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”
Email from our grandson Christian:
Grandpa & Grandma, I love and miss you. You’re not writing back soon, well, you write back, just not soon. Write back soon.
My 5 year old kids and I had a great bible study this morning too. Sweet to hear them pray. We were talking about the names of God and I mentioned Adonai Shalom… Josh says “Oh yeah! Like the stuff dad puts on his neck!” (cologne)
The Doctor’s five year old daughter answered the phone call. “Is the Doctor in?” inquired the caller.
“No, sir.” said the girl.
“Have you any idea when he’ll be back?”
“I don’t think very soon, sir. He went out on an eternity case.”
My 5 year old grandson ran up to me in the driveway and exclaimed, “Grandpa, happy birthday.” I knelt down and took him in my arms as I replied, “Well, I’m certainly getting a bit older, Joshua!”
He didn’t miss a beat and with a child’s honesty said, “You look like you always were.”
Out of the mouth of babes God has perfected praise! And real humor it appears!
When told of the physical animal sacrifice for Adam and Eve’s sin, our 6 year old granddaughter Katie at that time replied, “Oh, God had to kill their pets.”
3-year-old Reese prayed: “Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen.”
Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. They have not been retouched or corrected and incorrect spelling has been left in:
When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before
they do one to you. He also explained, “a man doth not live by sweat alone.”
It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the
tombstone off the entrance.
The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord’s Prayer for several evenings at bedtime. She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer.
Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer:
“Lead us not into temptation,” she prayed, but deliver us from E-mail.”
As a young boy had just finished reading his Bible, he turned to his father and asked, “Daddy, were you born in the Old Testament or the New Testament?”
A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.”
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”
During a house church meeting several years ago, our brother Lee took a call from his young son who was at home. “Is this an emergency?,” Lee inquired. The reply was short and to the point. “No, it’s Jonathan.”
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father’s computer. She told him she was writing a Bible story. “What’s it about?” he asked. “I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”
A five year old grandson asked Grandpa. “Do you know anything about what I’m going to ask?”
One particular four-year-old prayed, “And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”
A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, “Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus: the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?”
The young daughter who was recently saved had a serious, quizzical look. Her astute mother asked what she was thinking. “Mommy, if Jesus is in my heart, won’t His arms and legs stick out?!”
A little boy in a home church group was drawing an airplane with two male figures in the cockpit, one having a long, flowing beard. When asked who the men were, he casually replied, “Moses is the man with the beard, and the other one is Pontius the Pilot.”
The following numbered items comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., the incorrect spelling has been left in). Pray for them, please!
1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
2. Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
3. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
4. Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread
which is bread without any ingredients.
5. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
6. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews in
the battle of Geritol.
7. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
8. David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
9. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
10. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna
When our granddaughter was just 4, we asked her how she liked the video depicting the book of Acts. Her reply was a classic. “It’s good, but the A-possibles make me sad about Jesus.”
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar.
And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times “Now, said the teacher, “can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?”
A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, “I know! I know!” she said, “To make the gravy!”
A grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” The grandparent felt very proud while she asked, “No, how are we alike?” He replied “You’re both real old.”
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?” One bright little girl replied, “Because people are sleeping.”
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. “You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church.”
“Why? Who’s going to stop me?” Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, “See those two men standing by the door?…They’re hushers.”
After putting her children to bed, a mother finished her nightly discipline of reading a Bible story and praying with them. She then changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.
As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, “Lord Jesus, who was that?”
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.’
Kevin immediately turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus!”
A little boy opened the big, old family Bible with fascination and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out. “What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered: “I think it’s Adam’s suit!”
A teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, “My Mummy looked back once, while she was driving,” he announced triumphantly, “and she turned into a telephone pole!”
A church leader asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?”
“No,” replied David. “How could he, with just two worms?”
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse.
Little Rick was excited about the task — but, he just couldn’t remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous.
When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, “The Lord is my Shepherd, and that’s all I need to know.”
A Christian camp teacher asked her young believers how they spent their vacation.
One child wrote the following:
“We always spend our vacation with Grandma and Grandpa, and they pray for me and we serve poor people together. They used to live here in a big, brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people.
“They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don’t know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don’t do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don’t know how to swim.
“At their gate there is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. My grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds.
“Some of the people can’t get past the man in the dollhouse to go out, so the ones who get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck. When I grow up I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I can tell everyone who comes in about Jesus and let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.”
That’s it for now, brethren. We trust this has brought joyful edification to your heart this week, especially in the wake of so much despair in the world.
Again, please send me your true, humorous children’s stories about their spiritual observations!
Please comment on this post right below. Feel free to write and proclaim your leadings in the Spirit in an honorable fashion.
Your friend and brother in fighting the good fight,
Saints, we’re one day closer to Home, and Him! Love Him wholeheartedly!
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Please comment on this post right below. Feel free to write and proclaim your leadings in the Spirit in an honorable fashion.
Marc White, Director, Walk Worthy Ministries, www.WalkWorthy.org