This insightful resource details the prime and little acknowledged fact that the wife, especially the Christian wife, is the main influence in a glorious and fruitful marriage. And isn’t that what all women want…the glorious marriage for her Lord? Of course, tragically we get the occasional physically and emotionally abusive husband.
But the reality remains that there’s just as many, if not more, woman who emotionally abuse their husbands by countless forms of disrespect both spiritually, emotionally, and sexually.
I distinctly remember in the 1980’s when as a pagan husband my grossly passive-aggressive first wife (a very lost adult child of an alcoholic) handed me a Gary Smalley book that boldly claimed that any continuing problem in a marriage is “always the husband’s fault.” What a lie, and burden that the average husband who wants a good marriage is unable to bear. The truth is exactly the opposite. The wife has a 400% greater influence that any man in all categories: spiritual, emotional, and sexual.
Buy this resource here.
Comments from interested parties are below!
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Book description
Subtitle: “What a Man Needs from His Wife to Be the Husband She Wants”
If you’re sick of all the ways you’ve tried to bring about change in your marriage—the silent treatment, nagging, one-way discussions, or pleading—it’s time to set aside those broken methods for a Christ-based approach. This book demonstrates how women can inspire, influence, and help their husbands move in positive directions. Replacing your plan of action with God’s leads to a marital transformation where both partners are moving in sync, the way God intended. Gary Thomas draws concepts from his bestseller, Sacred Marriage, and outlines practical applications you can start using today. He also shows how marriages were transformed through these methods employed by real-life women. In these pages, you’ll also find a fresh perspective to help you understand your husband: the view of the marriage relationship through a man’s eyes. Thomas gives you insider information on how men think, feel, and can truly be motivated.
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You may order this wonder-full book here. Other key marital resources are here. Other key marital posts are here.
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Comments from interested parties:
Sacred Influence addresses a woman’s role in marriage as designed by God. This book is Biblically sound and doctrinally accurate. Gary Thomas’ ability to tell women how be the wives that husbands need them to be and the women God designed the to be in such a kind and gentle way demonstrates his skill as an author and his understanding of love defined in I Corinthians. He does not compromise the truth regarding the requirements God sets before a woman in her marriage, or the roles for which we are designed. However, instead of beating down a woman’s spirit, he manages to motivate women to do their duties, in even the most difficult circumstances because it helps a husband be the man she wants and needs him to be.
When I finished this book, it was very clear to me how much men need their wives in every facet of life. The better a wife treats her husband, the more likely she is to be treated better in return. The level of success of this principle is of course relative to the humility of soul in both people in the marriage, and Thomas does not back down from that principle, either. Being valuable and needed is necessary validation for all of us.
Thomas suggests that wives look for how their husbands might be trying to give them that validation, rather than assume the husbands aren’t because they aren’t doing it the way the wife thinks they should be. Furthermore, he suggests living by example in that regard–don’t demand what you’re not offering. If wives treat husbands like they are men, instead of wishing they would be something else–namely women, then they come to a point where they cannot live without us.
Many women who are dissatisfied in their marriages complain that their husbands aren’t men they want them to be. Thomas suggests that wives treat their husbands as if they already are that man while encouraging them in love. Most women don’t get what they want because they set undefined and elusive standards, and then issue insults and ridicule when the unspoken standard isn’t met. If you treat a man like he’s worthless, he’ll live up to that. If you treat a man like he’s wonderful, he will live up to that, too. If he’s worthless, there’s no encouragement and no way to escape his pitiful state. If he’s wonderful, he’s going to do everything he can to protect that value you give him.
I can’t stress enough how polite Thomas’ presentation is. While he does address issues of authority and roles, he presents it as a true leader would and has a correct understanding that authority in marriage. It is not that of dictator to slave, parent to child, teacher to student, or boss to employee. It is that of love, respect and responsibility to one another for the sake of God’s glory, a stable home, and a strong nation. In my opinion, the best thing about this book is that it is written by a humble man, from a man’s perspective so that women can understand a man’s thought processes and physical nature.
Many women seek enlightenment about men from other women–AND THE WOMEN THEY TRUST DON’T KNOW MEN (ie. women’s magazines and feminist authors). This perpetuates failed communication and disappointments in the relationship. He encourages women not to assume the thoughts and intents of their husbands souls, but explains men from a man’s perspective and then encourages women to listen, believe and talk to their husbands.
I really liked this book. I thought it was objective about good circumstances and trying ones, behaviors, attitudes, sex, and dealing with one another on a daily basis. He doesn’t depict some unachievable panacea, but he doesn’t browbeat or foretell doom and gloom, either. I found it motivational with sensible insight, and logical explanations.
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To date, this book has been the greatest blessing of my married life. Gary Thomas is exceptionally insightful and writes with a heart of compassion and humility that translates loud and clear. I’ve read through several of the chapters with my husband and was delighted to discover just how much he identified with what Thomas said about the way men think and feel. After reading and discussing together, we had some really great breakthroughs in communication, just realizing where the other person was coming from, perspective-wise. I was amazed.
The subtitle really captures the essence of the book: “What a Man Needs from His Wife to Be the Husband She Wants”. Each chapter focuses on a different area of potential difficulty in a marriage where personal change and growth in your own life WILL have an effect on your relationship with your husband. This is not easy to hear when you are frustrated with a difficult spouse! But I can personally attest, following this way of thinking/acting has the power to change your marriage forever. And in the process you will find yourself closer to God and more joyful than ever before!
As other reviewers have stated, “Sacred Influence” stands solidly on Scripture and sound theology. Happily, unlike other books of admittedly equal theological quality, this book is a great read – Thomas has a very engaging and enjoyable writing style. He incorporates many fun and fascinating stories of both present-day and historical couples and lots of personal experience. But don’t expect an easy read though; as I mentioned above, the content is extremely personally challenging and goes against just about everything we hear in our culture! Change takes work. I’ve now learned that to become an element of change in my marriage and my husband’s life, that work needs to start with me.
I’ve been going through and discussing the book a chapter at a time with a small group of women from my church, which has been an added blessing. I highly recommend it for group study – especially in a setting with mixed ages/marital experience, where different perspectives and experiences add valuable insight. And our group has also demonstrated that this book is perfect for wives of vastly differing ages and length/type of marriage – the principles are still the same and we ALL need them! 🙂
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Please comment on this post right below. Feel free to write and proclaim your leadings in the Spirit in an honorable fashion.
Your friend and brother in fighting the good fight,
Marc
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Saints, we’re one day closer to Home, and Him! Love Him wholeheartedly!
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Please comment on this post right below. Feel free to write and proclaim your leadings in the Spirit in an honorable fashion.
Marc White, Director, Walk Worthy Ministries, www.WalkWorthy.org